Relationships are hard to maintain. It needs regular effort and constant nurture. There are few things we know but cannot accept to come in terms with.
Falling in love with the idea of a person-
We all grow up with different people, different situations and people’s reactions to situations which are never similar. Since childhood people surrounding us, whether family or neighbors or relatives or the movies we watch play a significant role in shaping our personalities. We see, hear and experience things which teach us to have expectations and desires from a relationship and how ideally it should be, even before it has started. Our minds conjure up an ideal image of a relationship and naturally, we become a slave to that idea. When we finally meet someone who might be able to fulfill those desires we suddenly put all our expectations on that relationship. Love should be to a person and not to an idea of how the person should be.
Constantly trying to fix someone-
When in a relationship we deem certain things as right and label certain traits as wrong. In that process, we constantly try to “fix” the people we care about. Whereas when we care about someone whole-heartedly we must hear them out and let them know wholeheartedly that they are valued and acknowledged instead of trying to “repair” them. The relation is a space where two people freely interact and witness the totality of truly who they are.
Resisting change in status quo of relationship-
Change can be very hard to accept. When a person changes they may outgrow certain habits or acquire new passions and that may mean that two people don’t enjoy doing something together like they used to. Or there is a temporary slack in certain responses which were prompt previously. People’s desires can change and it will. And it may affect the relationship status quo as well. But it is not the end of the world or the relation. Loving someone does not mean loving their habits or outlook on things. It means acceptance of change wholeheartedly knowing that the person is the same at heart.
Generally, we do not accept hating someone or holding a grudge. However, it is very natural to project our negativities onto someone else in order to reassure ourselves of who we are. When we say we hate someone we mean that we hate their habits or their way of life or their attitude. It essentially means we esteem ourselves to be at a higher place and constantly need to prove ourselves right by judging others as wrong.
Finally, let us close by stating that as important our relationship is with others, so is it with ourselves too. We should create time and space to nurture our own interests and passions. When we are in solitude we are free of any external obligation and pressures which give us time to explore our inner desires instead of being mindful of other’s expectations. It is advisable to spend some alone time maybe going for a walk, going to a movie or watching a sunset alone. It gives invaluable time to introspect and to know our instinct without being influenced by others. Once we are in terms with ourselves we have the confidence to face difficult relations also and in that way, all our relationships will become healthier.